Reflection, Uncategorized, Writing

Who is your Edward to your Bella?

Sigmund Freud reputedly stated that in all his 30+ years of experience trying to get inside the mind of women, he has failed to answer that age old question “What do women want?”

We want many things Mr Freud but it seems as though women that know exactly what they want are considered to be too intimidating. What would be nice as to have the best of both worlds. As a writer, I know that writing about a male in a book allows you to create him to be anything you want him to be. He can look any way, work as anything and act as anything. Even our fictional characters with supernatural abilities allow us to escape from the harsh reality that real life sucker punches us with.

But I have asked myself when I am writing?: Have i created a character and a world that is too much fantasy and not enough reality?

I write to escape reality and my characters are designed to be attractive and supernatural with prowess and allure. But even other published authors have followed that path. Take the twilight saga for example: For me, after the first one I felt as though it was a false sense of what a realistic relationship is. As much as I enjoyed the movie, I was left feeling as though that kind of relationship can never happen. Bella represents Reality while Edward represents Fantasy and they have become as one in the books and movies, but can that ever be achieved?

look at yourself from Bella’s view then put your fantasy person in Edwards place and ask yourself if it will ever happen. As much as the story painted a wonderful picture of being so in love with someone that you almost merge together, is it actually a true sense of what you can have in a relationship?

From a writing point of view, these types of characters are highly sought after. we all want that sexy, hot, rich vampire that lures us into his embrace with his unadulterated need and blood-lust. But who in reality fits that bill?

My Edward is famous and I guess you could say that even though he is single, he is still unavailable to me. Our social circles do not mix in any way so it highly unlikely that I will ever get the chance to meet him let alone be his Bella.

He will never be my Edward, and I will never be his Bella, so am I living a sad existence to have this crush? Should I be focusing on trying to achieve a more realistic goal then lusting after a guy that I cannot ever hope to meet?

Has “Book Boyfriends” and “Movie Boyfriends” left an image of an unrealistic relationship? Do our celebrity crushes come under this category too? Is it possible to merge your fantasy relationship into your reality world?

It would be nice to think that we could all meet our fantasy men and have something with them, but if not, what is left? If fantasy man is not available, then does that mean you are settling for second best with reality?

I for one enjoy my little celeb crush as it makes me feel  like a teenager again and yeah, I guess the thought of meeting him does sound appealing. But I know that he is fantasy and I am reality and this is not a scene from Twilight (despite how much I wished it was).

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Poetry

Silenced by Light, Awakened by Night

Cold droplets of rain fall on the dusty marble floor,

Rust and endless time have fused the hinges on the old iron door.

Decaying cracks in the roof tease me with the world outside,

Locked away in my eternal sanctuary, this is where i hide.

Cobwebs and spiders decorate the corners of my tomb,

Just me and my shadow living in this lonely damp room.

Through the cracks in the walls i watch people come and people go,

I see all the seasons, from the spring sun to the winter snow.

But watching and waiting is all i can do,

Time moves much slower for me than it does for you.

Silenced by light,

Awakened by night.

We all end up here, the good and the bad,

We all move on from the life we once had.

But it isn’t as simple as being black and white,

There are things in both our worlds that tend to bite.

But choose your path wisely as the light is not always the good,

There is much to consider not just what you want and what you should.

Even if you choose to lie buried in the ground,

Make no mistake, you will be found.

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Reflection, Uncategorized, Writing

Who is your Edward to your Bella?

Sigmund Freud reputedly stated that in all his 30+ years of experience trying to get inside the mind of women, he has failed to answer that age old question “What do women want?”

We want many things Mr Freud but it seems as though women that know exactly what they want are considered to be too intimidating. What would be nice as to have the best of both worlds. As a writer, I know that writing about a male in a book allows you to create him to be anything you want him to be. He can look any way, work as anything and act as anything. Even our fictional characters with supernatural abilities allow us to escape from the harsh reality that real life sucker punches us with.

But I have asked myself when I am writing?: Have i created a character and a world that is too much fantasy and not enough reality?

I write to escape reality and my characters are designed to be attractive and supernatural with prowess and allure. But even other published authors have followed that path. Take the twilight saga for example: For me, after the first one I felt as though it was a false sense of what a realistic relationship is. As much as I enjoyed the movie, I was left feeling as though that kind of relationship can never happen. Bella represents Reality while Edward represents Fantasy and they have become as one in the books and movies, but can that ever be achieved?

look at yourself from Bella’s view then put your fantasy person in Edwards place and ask yourself if it will ever happen. As much as the story painted a wonderful picture of being so in love with someone that you almost merge together, is it actually a true sense of what you can have in a relationship?

From a writing point of view, these types of characters are highly sought after. we all want that sexy, hot, rich vampire that lures us into his embrace with his unadulterated need and blood-lust. But who in reality fits that bill?

My Edward is famous and I guess you could say that even though he is single, he is still unavailable to me. Our social circles do not mix in any way so it highly unlikely that I will ever get the chance to meet him let alone be his Bella.

He will never be my Edward, and I will never be his Bella, so am I living a sad existence to have this crush? Should I be focusing on trying to achieve a more realistic goal then lusting after a guy that I cannot ever hope to meet?

Has “Book Boyfriends” and “Movie Boyfriends” left an image of an unrealistic relationship? Do our celebrity crushes come under this category too? Is it possible to merge your fantasy relationship into your reality world?

It would be nice to think that we could all meet our fantasy men and have something with them, but if not, what is left? If fantasy man is not available, then does that mean you are settling for second best with reality?

I for one enjoy my little celeb crush as it makes me feel  like a teenager again and yeah, I guess the thought of meeting him does sound appealing. But I know that he is fantasy and I am reality and this is not a scene from Twilight (despite how much I wished it was).

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Charity, Christmas, Hell, Life, Redundancy, Uncategorized

Redundancy

Why is it,  when collective moments of clustered completion and mediocre happiness begin to wrap themselves around reality, along comes destruction in the form of redundancy to wipe the elation off the face of the unsuspecting victim.

When one life domino falls, it has a knock on effect for yet more unsuspecting moments.

My brief story starts with a Christmas theme. As to the ending theme, hell only knows how it will end. Contrary to popular belief, you cannot write future events. Only history can be written.

Being one of those annoying, irritating people who’s love of Christmas has me getting into the festive spirit months in advance before any of you have even gotten into the Halloween season yet; I decided that this year I would do something extra special.

I decided to create a charity event and name it The Angel Tree after an amazing Christmas movie, Paper Angels. I had it planned well before the summer sun even split the trees. After months of planning and preparing for today (Saturday 5th) it was finally here.

Weeks ago I had sat with my mum cutting out over 60 angels and covered them in glitter. Our local Barnardos was to be the receiver of my idea in aid to help give underprivileged children, a great Christmas. Each child was given an angel to write their Christmas Wishes on.

During this hectic time I was also trying to deal with a frustrating personal situation that was getting more infuriating by the second. But unfortunately it wasn’t a singular problem. I was introduced to a wave of panic and nausea in the form of my 7 week “compulsory redundancy ” notice!

Needless to say that I was floored. At first when I was given the news, it hadn’t fully set in. I fully comprehended the fateful news but I was in a form of denial. Not that I was losing my job, that I was fully aware of;  but my denial was my abilities to find another job in time for shedding the old.

I sat one evening, the week following my news, and trawled over multiple websites in search for a suitable job where I could work around my priority of being a mother of two. The realisation set in fast when I couldn’t find a single job. Not one! Reality hit me like a bitch slap to the face by a heavy weight boxer.

Being a single mum of two with bills to pay like everyone else and finding myself in this position was putting a damper on my Christmas spirit. But I had started something,  and there were children dependant on me creating Christmas Angel’s in people for them this year.

Today, was my first day of  The Angel Tree. I made sure I plugged the hell out of it across social media and even got interviewed by our local newspaper. Today went really well,  much better than I expected and could have hoped for.

It has been a very stressful few weeks, and I have my remaining weeks which I am sure will be full of anxiety and panic too. But I will make sure that The Angel Tree is successful for the children.

Each night I struggle to sleep, and each day I trawl through the same websites looking at the same jobs that would be impossible for me to apply for.

I found myself a few weeks ago finally completing my very first manuscript. I plan on sending it out to as many agents as I can. But for now, I have to endure the next few weeks of deprived sleep and an increase in anxiety all the while not letting on to my kids that I’m worried sick and painting a smile on my face.

The Angel Tree’s first day was amazing which has been a huge relief, but all the time at the back of my mind, I have the constant worry of my doomed redundancy. So much for karma!  Perhaps she has decided to go on holiday.

At this moment in time,  I am still searching for a job, unsuccessfully. I’m not sure what life is trying to teach me with this, but I hope it has a happy ending, sooner rather than later. Preferably before the stress turns my hair white.

I take every penny I have for granted now. Perhaps Santa will give me a job for Christmas.

 

 

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Uncategorized

Hand-brake on, anchors down, calling time.

When is it time to call last orders on your dreams? Some people have the view that you should never give up on your dreams and keep fighting through everything to achieve them, but is there a point where you have to say “enough is enough”?

We face hurdles every day in life in general, and when it involves our dreams, it magnifies the heights you have to jump. But how many times can you jump? How high do you have to climb in order to get where you need to be? Everyone will have their limit to what they think they can no longer take any further set backs or curve balls, but how do we as individuals with dreams, make that decision? What determines the line that we cannot cross?

I am not sure where my line is, but after a night of way too much unnecessary emotional turmoil, to which I am confident I over-dramatized slightly, i questioned whether or not i should consider accepting life for what it was or try to keep fighting to reach my goals. I let a comment get into my head and ransack my mind. The end result was not a good one.

Needless to say that i usually considered myself to be robotic and almost machine like when it came to emotions etc, but my reality check came last night when i unfortunately realised that i am human!

Yep, it was a shock to my system indeed. But for a few unfortunate hours last night i let my barriers down and allowed myself to feel. It was uncomfortable to say the least but it left me wondering if there was any point in aiming for my dream any longer.

At my age (don’t bother asking) i questioned if perhaps i left my chance at a dream, too late in life to allow it to go anywhere.

Is there an age restriction on our dreams?

Should i be shaking myself into reality and accept that it isn’t going to happen for me? or should i be trying to gather more energy to keep on fighting for what i have always wanted?

Today, i feel lost, numb and all over the place. Maybe this is just another hurdle that i need to get over. But the question is till hanging in the air, when is it time to stop trying?

The fire will always burn, but when the fire dims and all that is left is the decaying embers that once danced as glowing flames, is it time to give life to the dance or put it out and watch it reduce itself to nothing but smoke?

How hard do you have to fight to get close to your dream?

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Reflection, Uncategorized, Writing

Who is your Edward to your Bella?

Sigmund Freud reputedly stated that in all his 30+ years of experience trying to get inside the mind of women, he has failed to answer that age old question “What do women want?”

We want many things Mr Freud but it seems as though women that know exactly what they want are considered to be too intimidating. What would be nice as to have the best of both worlds. As a writer, I know that writing about a male in a book allows you to create him to be anything you want him to be. He can look any way, work as anything and act as anything. Even our fictional characters with supernatural abilities allow us to escape from the harsh reality that real life sucker punches us with.

But I have asked myself when I am writing?: Have i created a character and a world that is too much fantasy and not enough reality?

I write to escape reality and my characters are designed to be attractive and supernatural with prowess and allure. But even other published authors have followed that path. Take the twilight saga for example: For me, after the first one I felt as though it was a false sense of what a realistic relationship is. As much as I enjoyed the movie, I was left feeling as though that kind of relationship can never happen. Bella represents Reality while Edward represents Fantasy and they have become as one in the books and movies, but can that ever be achieved?

look at yourself from Bella’s view then put your fantasy person in Edwards place and ask yourself if it will ever happen. As much as the story painted a wonderful picture of being so in love with someone that you almost merge together, is it actually a true sense of what you can have in a relationship?

From a writing point of view, these types of characters are highly sought after. we all want that sexy, hot, rich vampire that lures us into his embrace with his unadulterated need and blood-lust. But who in reality fits that bill?

My Edward is famous and I guess you could say that even though he is single, he is still unavailable to me. Our social circles do not mix in any way so it highly unlikely that I will ever get the chance to meet him let alone be his Bella.

He will never be my Edward, and I will never be his Bella, so am I living a sad existence to have this crush? Should I be focusing on trying to achieve a more realistic goal then lusting after a guy that I cannot ever hope to meet?

Has “Book Boyfriends” and “Movie Boyfriends” left an image of an unrealistic relationship? Do our celebrity crushes come under this category too? Is it possible to merge your fantasy relationship into your reality world?

It would be nice to think that we could all meet our fantasy men and have something with them, but if not, what is left? If fantasy man is not available, then does that mean you are settling for second best with reality?

I for one enjoy my little celeb crush as it makes me feel  like a teenager again and yeah, I guess the thought of meeting him does sound appealing. But I know that he is fantasy and I am reality and this is not a scene from Twilight (despite how much I wished it was).

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Reflection

Do our dreams hold messages or answers for us?

After a restless night of strange dreams, to which i can only remember one of them, i decided to investigate.

Google, the fountain of modern day knowledge! Our dreams can be interpreted by what we see in our dream and what we experience. The question of whether dreams actually have a physiological, biological or psychological function has yet to be answered, despite our constant need for answers.

Dreams are linked to our memories and or day to day events. Even though scientists cannot actually link them to a biological or physical need, there is still that air of mystery as to why we dream?

And good old Google can help to find a solution or at least the interpretation behind our dreams. When you research your dream, you will find so many different sites and on top of the fact that you have to attempt to find the meaning behind each part of your dream.

For example; my dream night involved my celebrity crush coming into my old workplace and handing me a baby kangaroo! Yep, defo a strange one to say the least, but bar far, not my weirdest. The celebrity who shall not be named, acted like he had known me for years. But this baby kangaroo would not leave me alone when he gave it to me. The celebrity and the kangaroo walked around with me as i helped customers before he gave me a kiss and told me he would see me back at home (the celeb, not the kangaroo).

So, today, i decided to look it up and find out what this all meant. We all have dreams about our celebrity crushes in a variety of ways, but this was an unusual one, even for me. After scanning a few different sites i came to find that apparently i have similar characteristics to the celebrity that could link us in some mystical way (i have no complaints) and that him giving me the gift of the baby kangaroo represents my maternal instincts and his need for paternal ones.

There were a few more details about old workplaces and the need to move on from the past, but it got me thinking, about why i needed to know the meanings behind it?

Did i need to know the meaning purely because it was a strange dream, or did i have a need to know why?

People research their dream meanings all the time, it is our natural curiosity taking over. But at the same time, when we find the meaning, do we over think its place in our lives? Do we then use what we have learnt from the dream to adapt or place into our lives and hope that what it means, we will eventually achieve?

If a dream tells us that we need to adapt in some way to achieve a goal, do we take it on board or shrug it off and carry on?

What will i take from my dream? That is a question that i am not sure i can answer, just yet. 

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