Life, love, Poetry, Reflection, relationships, Writing

Lament to love

I sigh without emotional release

Drowning, in endless contemplation.

A macabre of senseless want

It is a plague on my soul.

I mourn the aflliction

Like a guilty pleasure.

I have searched the celestial doorways

But the star dust is long gone.

It is a contortion of rawness

An asphyxiation of longing.

It is the holy grail

So often sought, but never found.

It is a succubus that drains

It is a shadow, lamenting the night.

The core pains

But never heals.

I am a breath, starved of oxygen

A cosmic imbalance.

I am a sin, without confession

My song was never wrote.

It is besieged within a promiscuous vortex

Ravenous with obscurity.

Disassociated with the spiritual facilitator

A cognitive phenomenon.

I am a benevolent structure of Confucianism

A disciple for the unsullied.

 

 

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Life, love, Poetry, Reflection, Writing

Stolen: By D H Evans

What is happiness? Can it be spoken? Can it be touched? Can it be seen, or tasted? Hope, diminishes, each passing day.

Love, you failed me. You played against me.

A judgment formed, the decision made. 

I watched you wave, from the world outside. Always in sight, but never in reach. 

I played the game, not knowing the rules. You toyed and teased me; you were never mine to have.

A kiss on the lips, just a taste of delight. But the kiss was bitter sweet.

You stole from me; took the light I could have had. A void, in time and space, that could never be filled.

Each breath pains; a constant hunger, consumes me.

A stillness of light, in a motion of dark.

It is hard to smile, when the world cries for me.

Love is a delusion, a forgotten snowflake; frozen in time. 

It teases at the edges, but never covets, nor caresses.

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Life, love, Poetry, Reflection, Writing

Untouched: By D H Evans

Dark and sullen; concealed within an eternity of sorrow. Disconnected and disillusioned from the world.

I am a grain of sand, forgotten, on a beach in time. The sorrow consumes me, never sated, never filled.

It decays, with each perpetual beat. All hope is gone, forgotten in the wind.

I am  unbroken, untouched.

Walled behind, obscurity and need. Starved of emotion.

I am damned, lost in the great abyss.

The world keeps turning, but I stand still. 

I am bound, by chains of endless night, enclosed within an infinite darkness, perpendicular to the light.

I am forgotten, lost in life. I am the ripper of light.

I am a road to nowhere, a destination unknown. Pushed as far as I can go.

No turning back, no road ahead. 

I am a fragment of imagination, a fictional tool.

I am nothing, but a whisper in the wind.

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Reflection, Uncategorized, Writing

Who is your Edward to your Bella?

Sigmund Freud reputedly stated that in all his 30+ years of experience trying to get inside the mind of women, he has failed to answer that age old question “What do women want?”

We want many things Mr Freud but it seems as though women that know exactly what they want are considered to be too intimidating. What would be nice as to have the best of both worlds. As a writer, I know that writing about a male in a book allows you to create him to be anything you want him to be. He can look any way, work as anything and act as anything. Even our fictional characters with supernatural abilities allow us to escape from the harsh reality that real life sucker punches us with.

But I have asked myself when I am writing?: Have i created a character and a world that is too much fantasy and not enough reality?

I write to escape reality and my characters are designed to be attractive and supernatural with prowess and allure. But even other published authors have followed that path. Take the twilight saga for example: For me, after the first one I felt as though it was a false sense of what a realistic relationship is. As much as I enjoyed the movie, I was left feeling as though that kind of relationship can never happen. Bella represents Reality while Edward represents Fantasy and they have become as one in the books and movies, but can that ever be achieved?

look at yourself from Bella’s view then put your fantasy person in Edwards place and ask yourself if it will ever happen. As much as the story painted a wonderful picture of being so in love with someone that you almost merge together, is it actually a true sense of what you can have in a relationship?

From a writing point of view, these types of characters are highly sought after. we all want that sexy, hot, rich vampire that lures us into his embrace with his unadulterated need and blood-lust. But who in reality fits that bill?

My Edward is famous and I guess you could say that even though he is single, he is still unavailable to me. Our social circles do not mix in any way so it highly unlikely that I will ever get the chance to meet him let alone be his Bella.

He will never be my Edward, and I will never be his Bella, so am I living a sad existence to have this crush? Should I be focusing on trying to achieve a more realistic goal then lusting after a guy that I cannot ever hope to meet?

Has “Book Boyfriends” and “Movie Boyfriends” left an image of an unrealistic relationship? Do our celebrity crushes come under this category too? Is it possible to merge your fantasy relationship into your reality world?

It would be nice to think that we could all meet our fantasy men and have something with them, but if not, what is left? If fantasy man is not available, then does that mean you are settling for second best with reality?

I for one enjoy my little celeb crush as it makes me feel  like a teenager again and yeah, I guess the thought of meeting him does sound appealing. But I know that he is fantasy and I am reality and this is not a scene from Twilight (despite how much I wished it was).

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Poetry

Silenced by Light, Awakened by Night

Cold droplets of rain fall on the dusty marble floor,

Rust and endless time have fused the hinges on the old iron door.

Decaying cracks in the roof tease me with the world outside,

Locked away in my eternal sanctuary, this is where i hide.

Cobwebs and spiders decorate the corners of my tomb,

Just me and my shadow living in this lonely damp room.

Through the cracks in the walls i watch people come and people go,

I see all the seasons, from the spring sun to the winter snow.

But watching and waiting is all i can do,

Time moves much slower for me than it does for you.

Silenced by light,

Awakened by night.

We all end up here, the good and the bad,

We all move on from the life we once had.

But it isn’t as simple as being black and white,

There are things in both our worlds that tend to bite.

But choose your path wisely as the light is not always the good,

There is much to consider not just what you want and what you should.

Even if you choose to lie buried in the ground,

Make no mistake, you will be found.

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Reflection, Uncategorized, Writing

Who is your Edward to your Bella?

Sigmund Freud reputedly stated that in all his 30+ years of experience trying to get inside the mind of women, he has failed to answer that age old question “What do women want?”

We want many things Mr Freud but it seems as though women that know exactly what they want are considered to be too intimidating. What would be nice as to have the best of both worlds. As a writer, I know that writing about a male in a book allows you to create him to be anything you want him to be. He can look any way, work as anything and act as anything. Even our fictional characters with supernatural abilities allow us to escape from the harsh reality that real life sucker punches us with.

But I have asked myself when I am writing?: Have i created a character and a world that is too much fantasy and not enough reality?

I write to escape reality and my characters are designed to be attractive and supernatural with prowess and allure. But even other published authors have followed that path. Take the twilight saga for example: For me, after the first one I felt as though it was a false sense of what a realistic relationship is. As much as I enjoyed the movie, I was left feeling as though that kind of relationship can never happen. Bella represents Reality while Edward represents Fantasy and they have become as one in the books and movies, but can that ever be achieved?

look at yourself from Bella’s view then put your fantasy person in Edwards place and ask yourself if it will ever happen. As much as the story painted a wonderful picture of being so in love with someone that you almost merge together, is it actually a true sense of what you can have in a relationship?

From a writing point of view, these types of characters are highly sought after. we all want that sexy, hot, rich vampire that lures us into his embrace with his unadulterated need and blood-lust. But who in reality fits that bill?

My Edward is famous and I guess you could say that even though he is single, he is still unavailable to me. Our social circles do not mix in any way so it highly unlikely that I will ever get the chance to meet him let alone be his Bella.

He will never be my Edward, and I will never be his Bella, so am I living a sad existence to have this crush? Should I be focusing on trying to achieve a more realistic goal then lusting after a guy that I cannot ever hope to meet?

Has “Book Boyfriends” and “Movie Boyfriends” left an image of an unrealistic relationship? Do our celebrity crushes come under this category too? Is it possible to merge your fantasy relationship into your reality world?

It would be nice to think that we could all meet our fantasy men and have something with them, but if not, what is left? If fantasy man is not available, then does that mean you are settling for second best with reality?

I for one enjoy my little celeb crush as it makes me feel  like a teenager again and yeah, I guess the thought of meeting him does sound appealing. But I know that he is fantasy and I am reality and this is not a scene from Twilight (despite how much I wished it was).

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Charity, Christmas, Hell, Life, Redundancy, Uncategorized

Redundancy

Why is it,  when collective moments of clustered completion and mediocre happiness begin to wrap themselves around reality, along comes destruction in the form of redundancy to wipe the elation off the face of the unsuspecting victim.

When one life domino falls, it has a knock on effect for yet more unsuspecting moments.

My brief story starts with a Christmas theme. As to the ending theme, hell only knows how it will end. Contrary to popular belief, you cannot write future events. Only history can be written.

Being one of those annoying, irritating people who’s love of Christmas has me getting into the festive spirit months in advance before any of you have even gotten into the Halloween season yet; I decided that this year I would do something extra special.

I decided to create a charity event and name it The Angel Tree after an amazing Christmas movie, Paper Angels. I had it planned well before the summer sun even split the trees. After months of planning and preparing for today (Saturday 5th) it was finally here.

Weeks ago I had sat with my mum cutting out over 60 angels and covered them in glitter. Our local Barnardos was to be the receiver of my idea in aid to help give underprivileged children, a great Christmas. Each child was given an angel to write their Christmas Wishes on.

During this hectic time I was also trying to deal with a frustrating personal situation that was getting more infuriating by the second. But unfortunately it wasn’t a singular problem. I was introduced to a wave of panic and nausea in the form of my 7 week “compulsory redundancy ” notice!

Needless to say that I was floored. At first when I was given the news, it hadn’t fully set in. I fully comprehended the fateful news but I was in a form of denial. Not that I was losing my job, that I was fully aware of;  but my denial was my abilities to find another job in time for shedding the old.

I sat one evening, the week following my news, and trawled over multiple websites in search for a suitable job where I could work around my priority of being a mother of two. The realisation set in fast when I couldn’t find a single job. Not one! Reality hit me like a bitch slap to the face by a heavy weight boxer.

Being a single mum of two with bills to pay like everyone else and finding myself in this position was putting a damper on my Christmas spirit. But I had started something,  and there were children dependant on me creating Christmas Angel’s in people for them this year.

Today, was my first day of  The Angel Tree. I made sure I plugged the hell out of it across social media and even got interviewed by our local newspaper. Today went really well,  much better than I expected and could have hoped for.

It has been a very stressful few weeks, and I have my remaining weeks which I am sure will be full of anxiety and panic too. But I will make sure that The Angel Tree is successful for the children.

Each night I struggle to sleep, and each day I trawl through the same websites looking at the same jobs that would be impossible for me to apply for.

I found myself a few weeks ago finally completing my very first manuscript. I plan on sending it out to as many agents as I can. But for now, I have to endure the next few weeks of deprived sleep and an increase in anxiety all the while not letting on to my kids that I’m worried sick and painting a smile on my face.

The Angel Tree’s first day was amazing which has been a huge relief, but all the time at the back of my mind, I have the constant worry of my doomed redundancy. So much for karma!  Perhaps she has decided to go on holiday.

At this moment in time,  I am still searching for a job, unsuccessfully. I’m not sure what life is trying to teach me with this, but I hope it has a happy ending, sooner rather than later. Preferably before the stress turns my hair white.

I take every penny I have for granted now. Perhaps Santa will give me a job for Christmas.

 

 

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