Uncategorized

Escape in my bubble

Sometimes I just want to be left alone,

To sit and think in a room on my own.

Is it so much to ask for some peace and quiet,

Personally I think that everyone should try it.

Just me in a dark room lying on my bed,

Thinking about everything or nothing flying around in my head.

Sometimes i sit in the middle of the floor,

Hoping that nobody comes in through the door.

The blackness of the room is all around,

Only my breathing makes a sound.

I like to escape and get away,

From all crap and hassle i get each day.

I need to get away from the day to day things,

I would fly far away if i only had wings.

Don’t misunderstand me, I am not clinically depressed,

I have no deep rooted feelings that i keep suppressed.

I just take a time out from the reality of life,

So I can chill out and relax with no worries or strife.

I wrap myself up in my own little fantasy bubble,

Enveloped by my imagination to keep me out of trouble.

I can be anyone or go anywhere I choose,

It’s a world of possibilities where I cannot lose.

I won’t be away long, I’ll be back soon,

After all I’m only in my room.

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Uncategorized

The mirror of truth.

I can’t be that happy girl that you want me to be,

I sometimes wonder if you even know me.

You walk in my shoes every day and night,

Yet i think you wish i was out of sight.

I get it, i do, i understand,

This whole situation will get out of hand.

But when you look at me with that pitiable look,

It feels like you hit me with a killer right hook.

I am what i am, i have always been that way,

I won’t change myself, no matter what you say.

What you see is what you get,

So stop trying to torture me like your own little pet.

My eyes tell the stories of a suffering soul,

The things in my life are taking it’s toll.

The constant feeling of being stuck in a trance,

Leave me wondering if i ever had a chance.

You stand there staring back at me,

Even when i scream at you that i want to be free.

Is it asking so much for you to be there,

When i need you to listen, when i have things to share.

Whether i sit and cry, or cry and stand,

You may always be there, but never once held my hand.

What i wouldn’t give for a few little cuddles,

Just to stop the tears from forming sad little puddles.

My inner struggle makes me want to run and hide,

Each day i see you, i die a little more inside.

Incessantly screaming to get your attention,

But you can’t answer back as your just my reflection.

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Uncategorized

My Bloody Freak Show

Days and nights go by, i ponder, I wonder.

Why are we here? Why do i even bother?

Watching and waiting, time passes, people come, people go,

This isn’t real life, it’s a bloody freak show!

I find no absolution in what you say to me,

I show no interest or emotion in what my eyes see.

I sit and watch the world passing me by,

I sit and watch as the clouds pass over in the sky.

Is there a reason for the never ending despair?

We eat, sleep, work and breathe in the lifeless air.

What is the point in moving from this spot?

I, like you are just an insignificant dot.

We eat to live and we live to die,

So what is the point in attempting to try!

You call me a freak because i say what i see,

But in this worthless reality, you are all just like me.

You all hide behind the lies, that’s always been your way,

But me, I see it all in shades of grey.

I can grasp the concept of reality much more than you,

I am not afraid to see that it’s all the lies and deceit that are true.

So carry on with your circus life of being self absorbed and fake,

I will be the one that laughs when you’re pathetic existence begins to ache.

When the cracks in your desperate and pitiable world start to show,

I will stand up and welcome you to my Bloody Freak Show.

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Poetry

Broken

Darkness descending, The morning light ending.

Deep black clouds looming over, no point in screaming, no need to bother.

Nobody there to hear my cries, Nobody to wipe away tears from my soulless eyes.

Drop after drop of bitter cold rain, Falls down my face, twisted with pain.

Deafening silence all around, My shell of existence, broken and bound.

Don’t try to fix me, I’m not broken, The demon inside me stirs, desperate to be awoken.

The heavy clouds too thick to see the moon, Closer and closer they get, sealing me in my tomb.

Pieces of red glass lay shattered on the ground, Like a jigsaw puzzle of my heart, waiting to be found.

Torn and twisted laying on the floor, Watching and waiting, but nothing comes through the door.

Total blackness envelopes my skin, The Reaper is coming, I know it’s him.

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Poetry

Silenced by Light, Awakened by Night

Cold droplets of rain fall on the dusty marble floor,

Rust and endless time have fused the hinges on the old iron door.

Decaying cracks in the roof tease me with the world outside,

Locked away in my eternal sanctuary, this is where i hide.

Cobwebs and spiders decorate the corners of my tomb,

Just me and my shadow living in this lonely damp room.

Through the cracks in the walls i watch people come and people go,

I see all the seasons, from the spring sun to the winter snow.

But watching and waiting is all i can do,

Time moves much slower for me than it does for you.

Silenced by light,

Awakened by night.

We all end up here, the good and the bad,

We all move on from the life we once had.

But it isn’t as simple as being black and white,

There are things in both our worlds that tend to bite.

But choose your path wisely as the light is not always the good,

There is much to consider not just what you want and what you should.

Even if you choose to lie buried in the ground,

Make no mistake, you will be found.

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relationships, Uncategorized

Keanu Reeves

While the title is almost self-explanatory, I would like to point out that it is not all about him, as such…

I am a fan of his acting and I can appreciate that he is extremely  nice looking. But I came across an article that he has reportedly meant to have quoted.

“Most people know me, but don’t know my story. At the age of 3, I watched my father leave. I attended four different high schools and struggled with dyslexia, making my education more challenging than it is for most. Eventually I left high school without earning a diploma. At the age of 23, my closest friend River Phoenix died of a drug overdose. In 1998, I met Jennifer Syme. We fell instantly in love and by 1999, Jennifer was pregnant with our daughter. Sadly, after eight months, our child was born stillborn. We were devastated by her death and it eventually ended our relationship. 18 months later, Jennifer died in a car accident. Since then I avoid serious relationships and having kids. My younger sister had lukemia. Today she is cured, and I donated 70% of my gains from the movie Matrix to Hospitals that treat leukemia. I am one of the only Hollywood stars without a Mansion. I don’t have any bodyguards and do not wear fancy clothes. And even though I’m worth $100 million, I still ride the subway and I love it! So in the end, I think we can all pretty well agree that even in the face of tragedy, a stellar person can thrive. No matter what’s going on in your life, you can overcome it! Life is worth living.”

To millions of women around the world, he would be their fantasy man. Even I can’t argue against that. The man in question is extremely handsome and his movies are amazing. But take a moment to read his comment. He is secretive and enjoys his privacy which I find an admiral quality, but I find his comment leaning more on the sad side of the tale.

He has been through a lot that would break most people down, but he claims that these series of unfortunate events have helped shape him into the man that he is.

I can’t help but wonder if that is really true? I am sure that he is genuine and as down-to-earth as he comes across, but he has stated that he avoids relationships etc due to his past events which have left him saddened and heart-broken no doubt. But he then finishes off by suggesting that these events have not held him back!

 

I couldn’t image going through even half of his events but I can’t help but wonder if he is punishing himself. Has he deliberately stopped himself from finding a new partner? My post is not to judge him or criticise his choices, just to contemplate on my findings from my point of view.

I too let past events dictate how I dealt with future relationships, and it has resulted in me avoiding them, totally. So, have we punished ourselves for future relationships because of past events? Or are we genuinely happy to carry on life as singletons?

In all honesty I cannot say either way. I would like to think that Mr Reeves was open to allowing himself to be loved by someone that complimented his life as it is and how he lives it. If he is this down-to-earth man that likes the simple things in life, then it would be a shame to not see him happy, but perhaps he is and a relationship is far from his thoughts. Perhaps I want to see him settled down and happy because I assume that he is not and his avoiding relationships to avoid any further, possible heartache?

I do not believe that there is something out there for everyone. It is impractical to view the world that way, but despite my views on other people’s lives and how they lead them, I have yet to take a taste of my own medicinal words. I do not date, I do not go out to socialise in pubs etc. But do I miss the flirtation game and number sharing? Do I see myself settling down any time soon? No. I actually do believe that at the age of 36, that meeting someone is not for me.

I can relate to his decisions, even though we came to them in slightly different events, but I think that there is a shortage of genuine people in the world and from a slightly selfish point of view, I do think that it is a pity that he has chosen to remain elusive within the dating field. He seems as though he could make a nice girl, very happy and content.

But who am I to talk, right?

If you have suffered events in your past that have made you choose to avoid relationships or the chance to be content and happy, consider why you are doing it and what you are missing out on. Someone is sending flares out there in the hopes that you see them. So look out for them, and at least consider the thought of allowing yourself to be happy. It doesn’t mean that you can’t still mourn what you lost before.

So, if Mr Reeves comes across this little blog of mine by some fortuitous reason, take a moment to read your comment and then consider my thoughts. Don’t let your past hold you back from being happy again. And if you are genuinely happy just now, then bottle some of it and send it to me so I can decide what I need or want.

 

 

 

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Uncategorized

Escape in my bubble

Sometimes I just want to be left alone,
To sit and think in a room on my own.

Is it so much to ask for some peace and quiet,
Personally I think that everyone should try it.

Just me in a dark room lying on my bed,
Thinking about everything or nothing flying around in my head.

Sometimes i sit in the middle of the floor,
Hoping that nobody comes in through the door.

The blackness of the room is all around,
Only my breathing makes a sound.

I like to escape and get away,
From all crap and hassle i get each day.

I need to get away from the day to day things,
I would fly far away if i only had wings.

Don’t misunderstand me, I am not clinically depressed,
I have no deep rooted feelings that i keep suppressed.

I just take a time out from the reality of life,
So I can chill out and relax with no worries or strife.

I wrap myself up in my own little fantasy bubble,
Enveloped by my imagination to keep me out of trouble.

I can be anyone or go anywhere I choose,
It’s a world of possibilities where I cannot lose.

I won’t be away long, I’ll be back soon,
After all I’m only in my room.

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